As a Chicken Soup co-author I’m always looking for your stories to share with everyone else.  Not too long ago I did a “call out” to my members asking for heartwarming stories and was overwhelmed with over 2500 submissions.  I know you will enjoy hearing from others so I am going to be sharing them with you on a weekly basis.  Here is one from Dan Coulter!

Dad the Hero
(by Dan Coulter)

Dads, did you ever imagine yourself as a superhero?  Sure you did. I have a mental picture of you as a little kid, in your underwear, with a towel tied around your neck for a cape. You’re jumping off the bed and running through the house pretending you’re superman. In your mind, you can fly. You save the day.

The circumstances change, but we all hold onto a bit of that hero dream.

We dads have another dream that starts when a child is born. What he’ll be like?  How she’ll grow.  What we’ll do together.

But when a child has Asperger Syndrome, that dream can veer off course.

It can be frustrating when he or she doesn’t follow the script in our heads, when he continues to do things after we tell him not to or when she can’t seem to understand things that seem obvious.

And let’s face it. Most moms are better at the unconditional acceptance thing than most dads.

Even if we love a child with Asperger Syndrome, we’re more likely to hang onto our expectations and occasionally be impatient as he grows older – sometimes more than occasionally.

That’s where the hero part comes back in.

On the real-world hero scale, being patient with a child is not the same as running into a burning building to save a life, but it’s still a challenge.  It’s everyday heroism.

Everyday heroism strives to understand how a child with Asperger Syndrome feels when he tries his hardest and still gets teased or rejected by kids and criticized by adults. To accept that he can be doing the best he can –and still misunderstands what you want. To not just correct her when she’s wrong, but to help her practice doing things right, and praise her when she succeeds. To let go of old expectations, and help him live up to his capabilities.

The earlier we start the better, but it’s never too late to make a difference. To be the father he knows he can turn to. The father she knows she can trust.

Some dads are natural everyday heroes. The rest of us have to work at it.  But natural or self-made, everyday hero dads often find their children succeeding in surprising ways. Sometimes in ways they never imagined possible.

If you’re not there yet, your family story is casting for a hero. And the part has your name written all over it. You can save the day.

Save the child.

Your child.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dan Coulter is the producer of the DVD, “Asperger Syndrome for Dad: Becoming an Even Better Father to Your Child with Asperger Syndrome.” You can find more articles on his website at www.coultervideo.com.

Copyright 2010 Dan Coulter     All Rights Reserved.    Used by Permission.

As a Chicken Soup co-author I’m always looking for your stories to share with everyone else.  Not too long ago I did a “call out” to my members asking for heartwarming stories and was overwhelmed with over 2500 submissions.  I know you will enjoy hearing from others so I am going to be sharing them with you on a weekly basis.  Here is one from Jennifer Pedde!

Parenthood Brings Autism into the Open
(by Jennifer Pedde)

One of the main story lines in Parenthood, NBC’s popular television series about a large extended family, focuses on the issues facing parents Adam and Kristina Braverman. In addition to the usual problems experienced by parents of a teenage daughter, Adam and Kristina have had to adjust to their 8-year-old son Max being diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. 

Jason Katims, executive producer of the show, is the father of a teenage son with Asperger’s. Thanks to the involvement of Katim, as well as series consultants Sheila Wagner and Roy Q. Sanders, who are experts in autism spectrum disorder and Asperger’s syndrome, Parenthood is helping to educate viewers about what life is like for families who are affected by Asperger’s. Child actor Max Burkholder, who does not have Asperger’s, should also be credited for his sensitive portrayal of Max Braverman. 

In early episodes of Parenthood, Max is depicted as being gifted in many areas but with limited social skills, few friends and a tendency to become obsessed with subjects that interest him. A teacher recommends that he be tested for autism following a classroom disruption, and he is subsequently diagnosed with Asperger’s. Adam and Kristina then begin a quest to find the best solutions for both Max and their family.

Kristina in particular, becomes frustrated when there are no easy answers for the problems Max encounters in school and at home. Emotionally, she feels the need to protect her son; intellectually, she knows that she must help him learn to be independent and survive on his own. Adam, on the other hand, must cope with feelings of loss that Max will never be the exact son he imagined.

Following Max’s diagnosis, the approaches tried by the Bravermans reflect approaches tried by many real families in the same situation: They move Max to a private school, receive funding to help with his care, set up an in-home therapy program, find and lose a caring in-home therapist, and then send Max back to a mainstream school so that he will be academically challenged. This is television, so Kristina and Adam are probably able to try new approaches much more fluidly than they would in the real world, but their journey effectively serves to illustrate the various strategies that can be employed to manage Asperger’s.

Now in its second season, Parenthood has expanded on the situations related to Max’s behavior and involved more members of the extended Braverman family. In one episode, 11-year-old Max gets into a fight at school with his younger cousin Jabbar and is told he must write a letter of apology. Max feels his actions were justified since Jabbar hit him first and refuses to comply. Kristina, who is learning to let go, asks Max’s older cousin Amber to help out. We see how Amber gets Max to write the letter and then coaches him on how to behave when he delivers it to Jabbar. Knowing that he needs to look someone in the eye when apologizing is not instinctive to Max, but he is beginning to learn how to behave in ways that are socially acceptable to everyone else.

For more insight into the issues faced by the Braverman family related to Max’s condition, you can read an analysis of each Parenthood episode by Sheila Wagner and Roy Sander in “The Experts Speak” section of the official Parenthood website.

Jenn Pedde is the community manager for the Online Masters Degree in Social Work program at the University of Southern California in the Virtual Academic Center, which offers a variety of classes in their mental health social work concentration. She’s also an avid traveler, and enjoys photography.

As a Chicken Soup co-author I’m always looking for your stories to share with everyone else.  Not too long ago I did a “call out” to my members asking for heartwarming stories and was overwhelmed with over 2500 submissions.  I know you will enjoy hearing from others so I am going to be sharing them with you on a weekly basis.  Here is one from Charisa Spatig!

Basketball Players Changed Tanner!
(by Cherisa Spating)

My son Tanner was diagnosed with PDD/NOS at age 8. He is now 11 and a total sports junkie. Our story starts last year at this time. I had received a paper from his school that the High School Boys Basketball Team was sponsoring a 3 day camp for the kids in our community. Tanner so wanted to go. He had watched all these boys play football and loved every minute of that. I was a little leery to send him. So being the over protective parent I called the mom who was in charge. Her name is Melissa and she has become a great friend since this. I told her a little bit about Tanner, and that I would be more than happy to come to the camp and knew he would love it. She suggested assigning him a “partner”. I thought that was a great idea. Little did I know how much that would change my son’s life?

The day of the camp came, and Tanner was thrilled he got to go. We got to the school and there is this 6 foot 2 redheaded kid, a junior in high school waiting for Tanner to get there. His name is Tyler, and that kid has been my angel sent straight from heaven. He took Tanner and said see you at 8. They not only taught him basketball skills they have taught him much more. I love this entire High School Team. Not only have they kept him involved in all they have done over the last year. He has been invited to high school graduation dinners, got to sit with the team at all their home games. Tanner can tell you which kind of Gatorade drink each of those boys will have during the game.  Every member on the Football and Basketball Team know him, and it doesn’t matter where we are they always talk to him.

So now with the 2011-2012 season starting Tanner is again at basketball camp, but this time he doesn’t need to have a one-on-one. Although Tyler is not far away, he is enjoying the game just like everyone else his age is. All the senior boys Tyler, Matt, Rocco, Will, and their Coach Bubba will never know how much they mean to Tanner and our family. Because of this team and their support to Tanner he has joined a Baseball Team, Special Olympics, and is now known as t Evanston, Wyoming High School Red Devil’s # 1 Fan.

I launched Autism Today as an online community in 1998. For families touched by autism, and facing so many challenges already, the Internet is more than a tool, it is a lifeline, connecting us with other families, expertise and resources, inspiration, and yes, good old entertainment.

Every week, something truly magical pops up on YouTube.  This week we received a video by Susan Werner, a deeply personal song about autism, entitled Different Son. It is from her album,  Kicking the Beehive, which will be released March 1st.

Her agent says he fears Different Son will not get radio play, because it deals with too serious a subject.  But with one in 110 children born with the disorder in the US, we feel this is, for all the right reasons, music for all ears.

At Autism Today, we have a special love for artists.  Something magical happens when a child on the spectrum is moved to create art.  Properly cultivated, art can be the key to unlock exceptional gifts.

This is why we created the Artism series; and will soon publish Artism: The Art of Autism; and celebrate Autism Vancouver with a wonderful arts carnival.

So, today, instead of my usual blog, I decided it would be enough to share a beautiful song, about something we all are passionate about. Sometimes a picture — or a song — is worth a thousand words.

We are so lucky to welcome Hollywood leading lady Kelly LeBrock, star of such romantic comedies as Woman in Red and Weird Science, as our Honorary Host.  (We are highlighting her in this week’s Speaker Profile, below.)  Kelly is a dedicated advocate who believes deeply in whole-health strategies for treating autism and related disorders.  Her brother Harold struggled with Asperger’s before his death.

Valentine’s Day is coming up.  Why not consider joining us for The Women in Red festivities at Autism Vancouver 2011?  Borrowing from the title of Kelly’s movie, our Women in Red activities will honor autism moms everywhere, their giant hearts, their limitless energy, and their passion for helping their children grow and achieve their full potential.  Red is the color of love.  Vancouver is a place to celebrate with other autism moms and families.  Dads are welcome too!

In addition to Kelly LeBrock, we have been fortunate to enlist other artists active in the autism community to participate in Autism Vancouver and support related social activities.  These include Keri Bowers, founder of Normal Films, www.normalfilms.com, and director and producer of such independent films as Normal People Scare Me, with her son, Taylor Cross and many others, and The Sandwich Kid, and Elaine Hall, a.k.a., Coach E, the Hollywood child acting coach who founded The Miracle Project, www.themiracleproject.com, subject of the Emmy Award-winning movie Autism: The Movie.

Love,
Karen

As I was packing away my Christmas stuff this year, it dawned on me that the same nutcrackers I have been putting away for years were still broken, and no one was ever going to fix them. As my late husband, Larry, and I celebrated our last Christmas together in 2008,  I mentioned their ‘broken’ state to Larry. I said we should get rid of them and get new ones. He said the nutcrackers were perfect. “Those are battle scars”, he said. I said ‘okay, whatever’. He said they guard us every night during the Christmas season, while we are asleep. They are up all night in battle sometimes even during the day, while we’re out. Of course, this was his sense of humor. He had a way with humor, unlike anyone else I had ever known. The nutcrackers’ broken and missing pieces were ‘battle scars’. Nutcrackers without battle scars are useless and lazy and don’t serve any purpose at all.

What an awakening, as I thought about this yesterday, gathering them up for another year’s slumber until next Christmas. Remembering this story brought a tear to my eye, as I thought about Larry’s own battle scars before he passed away, and our 21 years together. He was rough around the edges, just like those nutcrackers. He had physical battle scars, emotional and psychological ones too. But there was never a day that went by that he didn’t have the same protective demeanor that he attributed to those nutcrackers. Every day, was a day of watching out for his family and myself the very best that he could. It’s not a sword or a fist fight – it’s an attitude – a commitment to ‘be there’ come rain or shine for the people you love. Larry was my guard and protector on Earth while he was here. He was with me and for me every step of the way, and I will never forget that. Through all of his rough edges, deep inside he was a person of pure and perfect love. Sometimes, I think it’s because of his rough edges and battle scars that he grew a deeper sense of love than those that may have never encountered obstacles.

It would take the heart of a soldier to see the significance and purpose of ‘battle scars’ on a Christmas nutcracker.

After reading this story that my sister Susan wrote, I started thinking about my own life and how the ‘imperfections’ we may see in the people we love really aren’t imperfections at all. They are merely remnants of journeys along the way in life. It’s as if someone just painted a giant wall with lots of colors and, as you’re walking down the street you bump into it occasionally. Then, you stand back and notice how many colors are all over you. You weren’t born that way – you acquired them along your path.

This New Year, let’s look at our own lives that way and the children with autism in our lives. They have bumps, bruises and many colors, and rough edges. Aside from those ‘rough’ edges, the love is there nevertheless, with a lifetime of love to come. Be patient. The battle scars, wall colors (or whatever you may call them) may look funny or be bumpy, but just embrace them and love the person inside.

Much love and joy and MAGIC for the holiday season.

Lovingly,

Karen Simmons

Founder & CEO Autism Today

Chicken Soup for the Soul, Children with Special Needs

Watch the full episode. See more NOVA scienceNOW.

Autism Today is many things to many people, but above all it is a community, characterized by a high degree of interaction, accessibility and love, shared by every one of us with one another.  Over more than a decade, we have been blessed by the friendship, support and participation of some of the top experts, leaders and innovators in the autism community.  We make every effort to create grassroots-level opportunities for children and parents to interact with them.

Dr. Stephen Shore is a dear friend to us and a continuing source of inspiration.  A person with autism, Stephen’s own life story began, as have so many, with a diagnosis and a professional recommendation that he be institutionalized.

Today, he bridges the knowledge gap between neurotypicals and their children, students, relatives or employees.  This week, as he so often does, Stephen’s story captured the attention of the producers of the PBS series NOVA, in connection with their feature about magic acts, and how they offer an interesting technique for teaching children on the autism spectrum about social cues and communication.  Here’s the link: xxx.  Enjoy!

A great example from Calgary: The aptly named Autism and Aspergers Friendship Society of Calgary.  In exchange for free registrations, Executive Director Dean Svoboda and his excellent team volunteered to visit Calgary schools and distribute fliers and posters to promote the conference.

They contributed so much to our program that we decided to offer them a booth at “Keys to the Treasure Chest,” where they promoted the artwork of Society member Shawn Belanger.  Shawn’s work caught the eye of Dr. Temple Grandin herself.  Dr. Grandin visited with the group at length after her presentation – and once again, some valuable new friendships were born. Karen liked Shawn’s artwork so well, she asked author Debbie Hosseini to add his work into our soon-to-be-released “Artism: The Art of Autism”.

Autism is a very big continuum, from severe (nonverbal) to brilliant to (scientists). The kids growing up now can be the next great inventors.

There is a fine line between nerd and someone with Asperger’s. Many times, these ‘nerdy’ types or kids that can’t get focused on their assigned lessons in school get pushed aside because teachers just don’t know how to deal with them. They don’t know what to do with them and they don’t have the resources to help them flourish. Temple’s deep concern is expressed “…one of the things that really worries me is where is the younger version of those kids going today? They’re not ending up in Silicon Valley, where they belong!” (Grandin, 2010).

The autistic mind is a ‘specialist’ mind. Some are visual, photo realistic thinkers and are poor at algebra, They see thoughts or words just like “google for pictures”. The autistic brain picks out the details, but the ‘normal’ brain ignores a lot of details. She says if a bridge designer ignores the details, it will crumble and fall!

There are pattern thinkers, who are good at math and often have problems with reading. There are verbal thinkers, which are poor at drawing, but know every fact about everything.

Temple learned very early that she had to sell her work, not herself. Social people sell themselves in a job interview, more so than their work. Temple showed her amazing drawings! She also learned the importance of manners at an early age, through intensive mentoring as a young child.

It’s important to show kids on the spectrum interesting stuff to get them excited about learning whatever their specialty is. A mind can be social or ‘geeky’. The autism mind is less social, to the severity of being non-verbal. To take art, drafting, music out of the schools is a critical mistake, as autistic kids need to have these programs to nurture their ‘fixation’. These kids are really smart, and teachers need to know how to direct these kids.

We need to get these kids ‘turned on’. Take notice on what they fixate. If they can’t get their mind off horses, then center the [math] lesson around horses. Maybe they should skip math altogether, if they aren’t pattern thinkers! Temple cannot emphasize enough the importance of  a good mentor for helping a child develop his or her autism special talents